When to Divorce Your Narcissistic Husband — 5 Gold Nuggets of Advice

“How can I ever know for sure when to divorce my selfish bully of a husband?” you wonder.  And every day you ask yourself,  “How can I regain my freedom with the fastest divorce possible?”

You lose sleep over how and when to divorce your narcissistic husband.  His bullying, demeaning ways and his hunger for control make you feel trapped. Worst of all, he appears to be energized by conflict, while you feel tired and stressed after each verbal boxing match with him.

If this is an accurate picture of your marriage, then you have gotten wise enough to know that your escape from this marriage is going to take every bit of mental and emotional strength you possess. When to divorce? What’s the fastest divorce? What’s the easiest divorce? Well, no easy answers, I’m afraid–but one thing you won’t hear in this article is, “Just go with your gut and get the fastest divorce you can.” (Note:  If there is physical abuse, that is a different matter entirely.  Seek help, and get out!)

Below I have listed 5 gold nuggets of advice.  Remember as you read: “The fastest divorce is, in the long run, never the easiest divorce.”  This may be very different advice from what your girlfriends give you.  But my aim here is not to sympathize–I want to help move a step closer to a happy, narcissist-free life.  You are entirely worth it.

If you are considering when to divorce an emotionally abusive man, read and consider carefully.  This advice that may just change your life and help you gain true freedom.

1. Keep your plans entirely to yourself.  Let no one know you are planning when to divorce your husband.


It will be the toughest secret you’ve ever kept–but you’ve got to do it. Whatever you confide in friends and family may find its way back to your husband.  If it does, your golden prep time will be gone for good–and the awful conflict will begin (with you at a disadvantage). Also, anyone you confide in may be summoned for court testimony. The easiest divorce is the secretly plotted divorce.

2.  Be the model wife. The woman who’s too busy agreeing with her husband to think about when to divorce him.

Yes, this is both difficult and dishonest, I know. But hear me out on this one–please! if your husband is a narcissistic abuser, you need two things from him while you hatch your escape plan. First, you need a peaceful environment as you figure out when to divorce him. Second, you need freedom from close scrutiny. Placate the guy–it will keep you on track in planning how and when to divorce.  The easiest divorce is the well planned divorce.

3. Know your net worth.

Know what you have, and know what you owe–and be sure you can access every single account. When to divorce?  Not before you’ve got a handle on what you net worth is. Put it all on a spreadsheet, and do NOT title it “When to Divorce.” Give it a sweet homemaker title like, “grocery list template.” The easiest divorce is the spreadsheet-documented divorce.

4. DON’T get a job now if you’re a stay-at-home mom.

“What!” you gasp? “You’re coaching me on when to divorce, and you’re advising me to stay unemployed?!” Yes, I am, my dear–and so will any good attorney. It will work against you in the spousal support calculations. The easiest divorce is the high-spousal-support divorce.

5. Begin stashing cash secretly–a little every month.

Even if you remain unsure about when to divorce, you can be quite certain that you will need cash. Lots of it. There are a hundred ways to do this if you are patient and resourceful. The easiest divorce is, ultimately, the amply funded divorce

When to divorce is a tough and very personal decision. Neither the easiest divorce nor the fastest divorce benefits you in the long run.  Only a well thought out, painstakingly planned divorce will launch you smoothly into the rest of your life.  

This one brief article is limited a space for me to address all the important considerations in deciding when to divorce.  However, if you want more information to help you determine when to divorce an emotionally abusive man, visit http://squidoo.com/when-to-divorce. Joy Marcellin has written a helpful and supportive article on the topic.  You can also access an ebook on when to divorce that proved to be a valuable resource to me during my own planning process.

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