Divorce—It Can Bring Out the Worst in People

Words are perhaps the most popular means of communication we experience.  The word “Divorce” is a word that can cause so much hatred, pain, and loss of control. Many people, when faced with divorce, immediately feel the need to make the person they fell in love with become their worst enemy and the root of all evil.  After the death of a loved one, divorce is the most emotionally charged period in a person’s life.  Whether there was an affair, a loss of love, or even a mutual agreement to divorce, it affects everyone involved, especially the children.

There is no way to eliminate the dramatic and complex emotions associated with a divorce.  The depth of emotions runs the gamut of pain, loss, betrayal, and anger to such a degree that lives can be shattered and future relationships are affected.  However, for couples who want to avoid fighting, save thousands of dollars, limit court and attorney involvement to a minimum, and be able to move on with their lives as quickly as possible, there exists an option to achieve these goals—Divorce Mediation.

Divorce Mediation offers an alternative to a traditional legal adversary proceeding.  It means you can avoid the fighting and conflict laden drama of a courtroom and it also means you can avoid draining your bank account with retainers, fees, and court costs.  It is a process in which you, your spouse, and a neutral third part work together to arrive at a peaceful and equitable divorce agreement. This neutral third person is a Divorce Mediator, who will guide you and your spouse through the maze of details that must be resolved.  Issues such as custody and visitation, college planning, distribution of assets and debts, child support, and maintenance must be explored and resolved.

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Studies have shown that mediated divorces are much more adhered to than those worked out by attorneys and judges. Adherence is crucial in eliminating post-divorce conflicts—conflicts that arise when someone other than the divorcing couple decide the terms of your divorce.  Divorce mediators who are in private practice often have a complement of coaches and therapists on staff and are available to help resolve divorce issues in a peaceful, fair, and equitable manner.

 

Divorce mediators make getting a divorce as painless and cost-effective as possible. They are there to handle the “business” side of the divorce, making sure that all issues relevant to the divorce are agreed to and that the agreement makes sense to everyone involved.  If problems do arise, again they are there to diffuse and positively resolve conflicts.

Therapists associated with a Divorce mediator work with their clients and children to understand and deal with the complex range of emotions that they are experiencing.  Additionally, life coaches who practice within the framework of a Mediation practice are available when therapy is not necessary but, because of divorce trauma, participants are unable to move forward in their lives.  The life coach can offer practical and sensible advice and guidance in starting a post-divorce life.

Contested divorces cost families thousands of dollars, go on for years, almost guarantee years of post-divorce conflicts, and never really allow for emotional recovery. Everybody loses in a contested divorce, except for the attorneys.  Mediation, therapy, and coaching give a divorcing couple and their children the best chance for a peaceful divorce now and in the future.  Remember, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by mediating your divorce. The mediators, therapists, and coaches who work within a private Mediating practice help with all sides of getting a divorce and the emotions that inevitably arise during the process.

Remember that Divorce Mediation is a proven win-win proposition.  Proven by thousands of former spouses who have rebuilt their lives and families that have forged a new family identity, and couples who have spent their money wisely and still have assets to sustain their new lives.

Brian James is a mediator with C.E.L. and Associates, a mediation, therapy, and coaching services firm with offices throughout Chicagoland and Southeastern Wisconsin.  Learn more about the advantages of mediation and co mediation in Illinois for divorce at celandassociates.com. Visit our blog for information tips, trends, and advice on mediation and divorce at http://www.celandassociates.com/blog/.
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